The Blog of the Evil Jermil Sadler

I take a refreshing bottle of Deer Park water to work everyday. The type I buy has a clever little device on it called a “sport cap”. With this cap, you have to pull a tab in order to open the cap and drink your tasteless beverage.

I don’t play those games. I untwist the cap and drink from it as if it were a regular bottled beverage without a fancy sport cap. My ingenious method usually helps in resolving the perplexing situation of finding the owner when a coworker puts his water bottle next to yours.

My method also allows you to choose your own drinking pace. You can sip as though it were hot tea in England. Or you can chug it as though it was the first drink you’ve had in 3 days after being stranded in the Andes while hunting alpacas. You can also empty the contents of the bottle over your head a lot faster on a hot summer’s day after a long day of computer programming. The possibilities are endless!

Today, I cracked the bottle open in my normal fashion on the drive to work. It was quite refreshing.

Early in the work day, I went to use a computer at a coworker’s desk. I became parched and saw my water bottle next to my hand. I didn’t remember bringing it over with me but I also didn’t remember not bringing it over. I grabbed it and twisted the cap. The cap had magically reattached itself! I also noticed the tab was removed which is something I never do. I was amazed! I blamed it on the alien god and went about my drink.

I walked back over to my desk. My water bottle magically duplicated itself and put its clone on my desk. Again I was amazed! I blamed the alien god again and celebrated with my original water bottle and my cloned water bottle.

But then I felt guilty about all of the water that I was hoarding. I decided to share the wealth. The first person that came to mind was the coworker whose desk I used earlier. I took the water bottle that I had at his desk and left it for him.

Now everybody’s happy!

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